Monday, August 18, 2014
...And Baby makes 3! Marriage tips after baby!
Before we had Hunter I was very aware that things were going to change in our lives. My husband was the biggest priority to me and I was worried about having him become neglected once baby came.
Here are some things I try to focus on the keep my marriage as a priority!
1) Check in
This is a very important concept for a marriage. The art of checking in takes some time to get used to, and we have yet to perfect it. What does it mean? Communicate! If this is a particularly hard concept for you, you may need to have scheduled check ins with your spouse every week. Just put it on your calendar, every Sunday at 6 PM we will check in with one another. Asking questions like "how are you?" "Am I meeting your needs?" " how can I better serve you?" "Love you?" Etc. every couple is different some may not need as direct of questions and just need to have 15-20 minutes of visiting time uninterrupted. That's great too! Do whatever works for you and your spouse! Just remember to check in!
2) Take Care
As a stay at home mom, my priority is my husband, baby and home. So I try to do things to make sure that all of these aspects are taken care of. Little things like making sure Chad has dinner ready when he comes home from a long day at work. And doing things that he loves to come home to like he loves the vacuum lines on the carpet! So I try to do that for him everyday. It only takes a few minutes and it makes him smile. My goal is to make the home a comfortable sanctuary where he can feel relaxed and loved, because the world is so crazy, and being at work all day everyday can really take a toll on a person.
My home is so important to me. It represents my family, and my heart! So I make sure to keep it clean and comfortable. It's hard work but so worth it! It's not perfect, I'm definitely seeing new spit up stains on the carpet everyday and the laundry seems to never be all done! But for the most part I try to keep and nice and tidy home.
Don't forget to take care of your self too! I know you're probably thinking this is the last thing that you have time to do! But, if you don't take care of yourself everything else can fall apart! Something that may be a little vain of me is that I like to get ready every day. Even if I'm just going to the grocery store I like to put an outfit together, throw on some makeup and do my hair. Believe it or not I feel more productive when I actually get ready for the day. It lifts my mood too!
3) Discuss Sexpectations
It may seem a little unromantic to discuss "sexpectations" ( expectations of sex) but if you never discuss it how will you know if you are meeting each other's needs? This doesn't have to be as frequently as a check in,, but should happen often as times and seasons change quickly! Sex is so crucial to a marriage, it separates your relationship from every other relationship on earth. It is a natural, God glorifying act that unites a married couple in the greatest way possible! Not to mention thats how you created such a wonderful thing in first place, your baby!!! Maybe you and your hubby need to do it everyday? Or once a week? There's no rule! Just do what's best for the both of you! Maybe in this season of life you have to schedule sex dates! Who cares! Be like Nike and Just do it! It will life your spirits and reconnect you to the love of your life.
4) Take a break
You're probably saying..."a break? Ya right!" But you NEED it! Just like sex and communication you, momma, need a break! No I'm not saying a weekend getaway (although that's nice) i'm talking about daily, little moments you can steal away and take a break from everything. What's my break? Every morning from 5-6am with my loud music and workouts! It centers me! Maybe you aren't able to do that (or it sounds like torture to you) ...no problem! Do what works for you! 15 minutes of reading, 30 minutes in the sun, a walk, manicure, etc! Oh hey how about a break WITH your hubby? Great idea! Date night!? Yes please!
5) Have Grace!
Have grace for yourself, and for your spouse. Especially being a first time parent! I need to remember this because I have made mistakes, and every time I beat myself up over it! Ugh! That's not helpful! Your spouse will also make mistakes, lose his cool, or not meet your "expectations". Have grace! This is a HUGE adjustment to the both of you. Probably the biggest change in your life next to marriage so be forgiving, expect nothing & appreciate everything from one another, know the hard seasons will naturally merge into the good times. Enjoy the moments of the day loving your baby and your hubs!
I'm not perfect at this but I'm learning everyday and blessed to have friends who hold me accountable to be the best wife I can, so that Hunter can grow up with loving parents with a strong marriage! Xoxo-B